Andrea Lee Avari, Ph.D.
No one ever said that it would be easy except the glossy beautiful pictures with happy faces running down the aisle. Even as a young girl as I was entranced with these images of married bliss, I noticed a certain jaundiced eye of mine glazing over at the idea. Sparkling bottles of coca-cola won’t bring me exciting adventures and so many good-looking friends as the ads suggest. I knew that. But could a ceremony filled with colorful flowers and a white dress bring ecstasy to my heart and mind?
The partnership equation consists of two people. They can be of any gender, it matters not. The equation increases in complexity with the addition of the history and psychological makeup of the ancestral families and traditions. Multiply that sum by the health of the model of the each partner’s parental relationships.
Hit that multiplication button again and again for any unconscious belief systems that reflect possible abandonment, not being good enough, feeling controlled and engulfed, possible boredom from lack of growth, any and all fears of connection and surrender. Then you multiply the equation by the number of unhealed wounds of both parties.
Use the exponential function key if there are addictions, patriarchy, and codependency issues sitting as a third party to the relationship. Now subtract the individual levels of self-awareness and insight into one’s process. Divide by any truly effective books or workshops on communication skills which emphasize listening, patience, and self responsibility. Divide again by any chosen factor from 1-10 for the highest level of motivation to figure out what the heck is going on at times.
Hit the = button and stand back. What does this answer mean? You have no idea. Excellent, you are on the path. Now take that numerical answer and factor in the concept of a soul, uniquely differentiated for each personality of the marriage. Hit the = button again and the word….MYSTERY ………..appears. Now what does that word mean? We all want a definitive answer for our relationships….do we not?
Acknowledging the presence of the soul of each partner changes the perspective of a relationship. What is the soul? Perhaps we can consider it to be that essence of all that we know in our hearts to be good and true. And that essence wants us to grow. The soul wants us to grow in ways we do not even understand. And we marry to explore some of the deepest lessons of our lives.
The soul is not interested in an ideal and perfect marriage. The shadows of confusion, doubt, anxiety are among the places that the soul wants us to explore. It doesn’t want to know if we are a “picture perfect” piece of a societal cutout; it wants us to grow in the dark places where we normally choose not to tread. And given our “druthers”, most of us would really rather not tiptoe into those dark corners of ourselves. Increasing our self-knowledge usually meets with resistance. Even those of us who seem to delight in self-discovery can be deluded into accepting surface reasons for our intentions.
We have been taught that in order to be “successful” in marriage there should be no rumples or wrinkles. But a soulful marriage is not interested in the polarities of good and bad, smooth as silk or confusing as buttermilk. The soul is not interested in labeling and categorizing. If we stay out of trying to fix the problem, find the solution, quickly make it better, perhaps we can observe what the soul might be asking of us.
By moving our point of perception into the larger picture of a marriage with soul, we are allowing the soul to show us the way. It is as Heraclitus said, “The soul is its own source of unfolding.” The soul, that highest vibration of our humanness, wants what is best for our highest good. Much of that “stuffness” of life may be in various states of unconsciousness within us. Our challenge is to observe the soul’s unfolding.
When we are able to hold that state of unattached seeing, we are more likely to peer more deeply into what is the soul is asking us when we feel doubt, anxiety, confusion, a sense of separateness in our partnership. Our human tendency is to berate ourselves with a “why?” can’t I get this right; what is wrong with me? Zooming out of our egoic self we are able to see the potential of a wide-open horizon of unlimited growth when we stand aside.
Releasing the need for perfection of ourselves and our partner, learning that our soul is teaching us important lessons about a deeper knowledge of our inner life and standing back in observation rather than running for a quick fix to an assumed problem, we are beginning to learn to live in tandem with our soul in relationship. As we deepen our practice a natural appreciation for our partner’s soul becomes evident. This state of consciousness invites the divine to dance with us in our marriage.
Copyright 2008. Andrea Avari is the author of "A Hit of Heaven: a soul's journey through illusion." She is currently writing a sequel to that book on creating relationships with soul.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
How do you manifest your creative vision?
Are you having one of those days when you feel like you are spinning your wheels? Maybe you have a lot of ideas floating through your head but somehow they don't manifest into actual substance. Here is an interesting exercise in strengthening your intention to create your purpose that is summarized from an article by Robert Gass in Utne magazine, Jan-Feb 2006.
1. Write a short statement that is presented in the positive nature of what describes your personal vision, what is important to you, what you truly want for yourself. Practice makes it better when working with refining the statement. The words need to drop from your head into your heart so that you can feel the resonance. Of the few choices Gass suggested, I chose "In everthing I do, I am guided by love." That is the vision I want to live.
2. This second statement required patience and practice as I tend to rush into things and forget to center. After taking several deep, relaxing breaths, say your phrase quietly or out-loud at least three times. Take a few moments and really feel this relaxing energy moving through your body. Slow your roll and just allow the energy to vibrate through all your cells. Gass says to "remember what is most important to you, why you do what you do." Just stay with that reflection as the words settle into you.
3. Now you are ready to translate the feeling of your vision and deeper purpose into a specific action you want to take. Perhaps you are considering a significant communication with a face-to-face meeting with another or others, an important phone call, a writing that you considerable valuable to your process. Taking the action step consciously. Your relaxed body and focused heart and mind are accompanying you in moving forward.
4. Gass suggests journaling daily about how this practice is affecting how you experience your day. Thoughts and feelings which might lurk beneath the surface of consciousness, may appear on your page of writing and assist you in growing from the daily practice.
5. As with any practice, we tend to fall asleep at times. Gass reiterates the importance of not criticizing yourself or allowing analysis of your lack of focus to become a distraction. Acknowledge and release. Surround yourself with compassion and return to your practice with a relaxed breath and a re-envisioning of what is most important to your purpose.
This process can be a simple loving practice and gift to ourselves in the present moment that empowers us to live our creative purpose at a deeper level.
1. Write a short statement that is presented in the positive nature of what describes your personal vision, what is important to you, what you truly want for yourself. Practice makes it better when working with refining the statement. The words need to drop from your head into your heart so that you can feel the resonance. Of the few choices Gass suggested, I chose "In everthing I do, I am guided by love." That is the vision I want to live.
2. This second statement required patience and practice as I tend to rush into things and forget to center. After taking several deep, relaxing breaths, say your phrase quietly or out-loud at least three times. Take a few moments and really feel this relaxing energy moving through your body. Slow your roll and just allow the energy to vibrate through all your cells. Gass says to "remember what is most important to you, why you do what you do." Just stay with that reflection as the words settle into you.
3. Now you are ready to translate the feeling of your vision and deeper purpose into a specific action you want to take. Perhaps you are considering a significant communication with a face-to-face meeting with another or others, an important phone call, a writing that you considerable valuable to your process. Taking the action step consciously. Your relaxed body and focused heart and mind are accompanying you in moving forward.
4. Gass suggests journaling daily about how this practice is affecting how you experience your day. Thoughts and feelings which might lurk beneath the surface of consciousness, may appear on your page of writing and assist you in growing from the daily practice.
5. As with any practice, we tend to fall asleep at times. Gass reiterates the importance of not criticizing yourself or allowing analysis of your lack of focus to become a distraction. Acknowledge and release. Surround yourself with compassion and return to your practice with a relaxed breath and a re-envisioning of what is most important to your purpose.
This process can be a simple loving practice and gift to ourselves in the present moment that empowers us to live our creative purpose at a deeper level.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Can There Be More to Being Present?
These days the focus in many spiritual teachings is to be present in the now, bringing yourself into the present, living in the present. In this way we are encouraged to realize the consciousness of Oneness, consciousness becoming aware of itself.
We are asked to remember who we really are when we have a feeling of separateness or as some have called it, an out of body experience. We are told that many of us spend most of our day out of our bodies living in the past, living in the future rarely grounded in our bodies and fully conscious of what we are doing and where we are.
Awareness of our surroundings would include using all of our senses, our thoughts quiet, allowing us to be what we are doing rather than feeling separated from it as an act of behavior. If we pay attention by observing our daily process, we can see the numerous opportunities available to us to travel in time, living in places other than the Now.
But what if that is only part of the picture? What if there is a cart before that “present moment” horse? What if the mind has to fall into the heart into order to be present? And what if that heart is constricted by the limitations of living in the past or the future? If one looks to the concept of dimensions of consciousness, we are now healing the fourth layer of vibration, that of heart integration, before we move into the 5th dimension of soul consciousness.
What if the energy of fear covers our heart like heavy overcoats in winter? We keep trying to “be present” in our layers of long underwear of past and future fears. We try our best to do what we have been told……calling ourselves back out of the past and remembering the essence of who we really are. But we can only be partially present unless we are working at the same time to heal and integrate the fears of our heart that fell from our minds. No one can heal them but ourselves. It is our choice.
The sense of realized consciousness has to be felt not with our thinking minds but with our loving heart. Simply working to be alert to the present moment is not enough. When an isolated part of the wounded heart gets our attention (and it definitely will as we live in relationship with one another), then we know we have work to do. We can feel it throughout our body……an upset stomach, a stiff neck, etc.
The heart wants to be whole and resonate with the healing energy that is the glue of the universe. It will continually tap on our consciousness, asking to be let in, nurtured and to come Home. All it asks is for our embrace rather than ignoring it or trying to cover it up with some distraction or another.
It takes a lot of energy to walk around bundled up in piles of constricted clothing that we don’t need anymore. In this state of consciousness we are less likely to give voice to that which needs to be spoken. We tend to give our power away (remembering that no one can take it; our power is ours to give if we choose). It is hard on the heart.
What if our present moment work is simply to be the process of acknowledging that fear that triggers an emotional and bodily reaction of anxiety and pain? What happens if we practice showering it with compassion and love, embracing it with acceptance?
With each gathering in of a fearful part of our heart, the ability to be more fully in the present moment increases because another heavy overcoat of the heart is dissolved into light. It doesn’t matter whether it is a feeling of being not good enough or a fear of abandonment, or any other fear. Love is the ultimate medicine that heals all.
We watch in amazement at how quickly the transformation occurs; how quickly love dissolves the fear into the whole. The heavy overcoats fly off into the ethers. The heart then takes a deep breath and expands with a renewed passion for living and loving. Our senses are revitalized. We can feel more where we are and what we are doing, whatever it may be. We know who we are because our heart is resonating with our own Being.
A healing integrated heart leads us into the present moment. Empowerment becomes us. Our voice is freed to speak our truth. Our power center is active and open and balanced. Our intuition flowers with guidance and connection. Attempting to be present in the Now without doing our heart work can keep us knocking at what we think is the door of self-realization. Our integrated heart is the doorway.
Copyright 2008. Andrea is the author of “A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion.” She is currently busy writing her next book on creating soulful relationships which will be published early 2009. Her website is andreaavari.com.
We are asked to remember who we really are when we have a feeling of separateness or as some have called it, an out of body experience. We are told that many of us spend most of our day out of our bodies living in the past, living in the future rarely grounded in our bodies and fully conscious of what we are doing and where we are.
Awareness of our surroundings would include using all of our senses, our thoughts quiet, allowing us to be what we are doing rather than feeling separated from it as an act of behavior. If we pay attention by observing our daily process, we can see the numerous opportunities available to us to travel in time, living in places other than the Now.
But what if that is only part of the picture? What if there is a cart before that “present moment” horse? What if the mind has to fall into the heart into order to be present? And what if that heart is constricted by the limitations of living in the past or the future? If one looks to the concept of dimensions of consciousness, we are now healing the fourth layer of vibration, that of heart integration, before we move into the 5th dimension of soul consciousness.
What if the energy of fear covers our heart like heavy overcoats in winter? We keep trying to “be present” in our layers of long underwear of past and future fears. We try our best to do what we have been told……calling ourselves back out of the past and remembering the essence of who we really are. But we can only be partially present unless we are working at the same time to heal and integrate the fears of our heart that fell from our minds. No one can heal them but ourselves. It is our choice.
The sense of realized consciousness has to be felt not with our thinking minds but with our loving heart. Simply working to be alert to the present moment is not enough. When an isolated part of the wounded heart gets our attention (and it definitely will as we live in relationship with one another), then we know we have work to do. We can feel it throughout our body……an upset stomach, a stiff neck, etc.
The heart wants to be whole and resonate with the healing energy that is the glue of the universe. It will continually tap on our consciousness, asking to be let in, nurtured and to come Home. All it asks is for our embrace rather than ignoring it or trying to cover it up with some distraction or another.
It takes a lot of energy to walk around bundled up in piles of constricted clothing that we don’t need anymore. In this state of consciousness we are less likely to give voice to that which needs to be spoken. We tend to give our power away (remembering that no one can take it; our power is ours to give if we choose). It is hard on the heart.
What if our present moment work is simply to be the process of acknowledging that fear that triggers an emotional and bodily reaction of anxiety and pain? What happens if we practice showering it with compassion and love, embracing it with acceptance?
With each gathering in of a fearful part of our heart, the ability to be more fully in the present moment increases because another heavy overcoat of the heart is dissolved into light. It doesn’t matter whether it is a feeling of being not good enough or a fear of abandonment, or any other fear. Love is the ultimate medicine that heals all.
We watch in amazement at how quickly the transformation occurs; how quickly love dissolves the fear into the whole. The heavy overcoats fly off into the ethers. The heart then takes a deep breath and expands with a renewed passion for living and loving. Our senses are revitalized. We can feel more where we are and what we are doing, whatever it may be. We know who we are because our heart is resonating with our own Being.
A healing integrated heart leads us into the present moment. Empowerment becomes us. Our voice is freed to speak our truth. Our power center is active and open and balanced. Our intuition flowers with guidance and connection. Attempting to be present in the Now without doing our heart work can keep us knocking at what we think is the door of self-realization. Our integrated heart is the doorway.
Copyright 2008. Andrea is the author of “A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion.” She is currently busy writing her next book on creating soulful relationships which will be published early 2009. Her website is andreaavari.com.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
A Spiritual Level of Conversation: Between Higher Selves
Andrea Lee Avari, Ph.D.
Most of us have never had any lessons to assist us in sharing with another person how we feel about something in a respectful way and how to ask for what we need. And most of us are just skating by on the time-tested skills of our parents and their parents who most likely had less opportunity for skill-building than we have had in our lives. We may have passed algebra (or not) but most educational organizations never taught us the art of effective communication. We try to get by on whatever communication skills we have picked up along the way.
Even if we have had exposure to proper training in communication skills, how many of us become blank slates of knee-jerk reaction when conflict comes into our lives?
Effective communication skills point us toward:
· Observing as a witness (not a judge) as to what we heard the other person say or what we saw them do
· Stating how we feel when we observe the behavior (a feeling word not a dissertation)
· Asking specifically for what we need without being attached to the outcome.
We know from practice, practice and more practice that this method does connect disparate points of view in many circumstances…..if we remember to respond from a sense of centering rather than to react. But then real life steps in and sometimes we fall down. It may be a challenge for all concerned but the personal growth in learning to take responsibility for one’s observation, feelings, and needs is well worth the work.
Are there other tools that would help us to connect with the energy of the other person in times of conflict? If we are to visualize the other person’s Higher Self or essence of the Soul during the exchange, we can come into a special connection with the true sense of that person. And in doing so, we join more deeply with our own Higher Self.
In conversation we can see each personality working the needs of the ego and masking the luminescence of the inner Self. But if we look with a softer eye we can see the protection that surrounds each heart in hopes of shielding it from being wounded. With this new awareness we honor the truth of one another with compassion. At our essence we are all the same; we are costumed in different wrappings but we all want the same thing: love.
What can we do? We can focus our awareness on our own light, breathing it in and out, expanding our inner beauty to radiate all around us. We strengthen our connection with our own Higher Self by focusing our attention on that which is our essence.
We can visualize the other person’s Higher Self as a similar beautiful light, a blossoming flower, a vibrant color, or an energetic feeling of knowing. We ask our Higher Self to assist us in speaking words that enhance connection with the other person. (Although intuitively we know that there is no other one. We are speaking to ourselves.)
We ask our Higher Self to speak to the other’s Higher Self in acknowledgement of our true intention, that of compassion and understanding between us. Our intention focuses on working together for the highest good of us all. We visualize ourselves emanating a beautiful energy of light and ask our Higher Self to facilitate sending this light and the high vibration of love to the other’s Higher Self.
We do so without attachment; if the other chooses to accept our transmission of energy and meet us in the middle ground so much the better for both. If not, we have taken responsibility for our intention to be in connection with the truth of who we are. We continue to shine our radiating light and move on.
In times of conflict and anxiety coupled with this increasing rate of vibration in our world, it helps to remember that there are ways of communicating with people that are nonverbal and telepathic. In times of email, twittering, and blogs we can get lost in our pursuit of the art of true, direct communication: soul to soul.
The next time you find yourself in a conflicted conversation, consider asking your Higher Self to assist you in connecting with the other person on an energetic level. The results may surprise you.
Copyright 2008. Andrea Avari, Ph.D. is an intuitive spiritual coach working with clients to balance and integrate wellness, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. She is the author of “A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion.” Her next book, “Letters from a Lunatic in Love: creating soulful relationships” will be available at the end of the year. Her website is andreaavari.com. Email address is andrea@andreaavari.com.
Most of us have never had any lessons to assist us in sharing with another person how we feel about something in a respectful way and how to ask for what we need. And most of us are just skating by on the time-tested skills of our parents and their parents who most likely had less opportunity for skill-building than we have had in our lives. We may have passed algebra (or not) but most educational organizations never taught us the art of effective communication. We try to get by on whatever communication skills we have picked up along the way.
Even if we have had exposure to proper training in communication skills, how many of us become blank slates of knee-jerk reaction when conflict comes into our lives?
Effective communication skills point us toward:
· Observing as a witness (not a judge) as to what we heard the other person say or what we saw them do
· Stating how we feel when we observe the behavior (a feeling word not a dissertation)
· Asking specifically for what we need without being attached to the outcome.
We know from practice, practice and more practice that this method does connect disparate points of view in many circumstances…..if we remember to respond from a sense of centering rather than to react. But then real life steps in and sometimes we fall down. It may be a challenge for all concerned but the personal growth in learning to take responsibility for one’s observation, feelings, and needs is well worth the work.
Are there other tools that would help us to connect with the energy of the other person in times of conflict? If we are to visualize the other person’s Higher Self or essence of the Soul during the exchange, we can come into a special connection with the true sense of that person. And in doing so, we join more deeply with our own Higher Self.
In conversation we can see each personality working the needs of the ego and masking the luminescence of the inner Self. But if we look with a softer eye we can see the protection that surrounds each heart in hopes of shielding it from being wounded. With this new awareness we honor the truth of one another with compassion. At our essence we are all the same; we are costumed in different wrappings but we all want the same thing: love.
What can we do? We can focus our awareness on our own light, breathing it in and out, expanding our inner beauty to radiate all around us. We strengthen our connection with our own Higher Self by focusing our attention on that which is our essence.
We can visualize the other person’s Higher Self as a similar beautiful light, a blossoming flower, a vibrant color, or an energetic feeling of knowing. We ask our Higher Self to assist us in speaking words that enhance connection with the other person. (Although intuitively we know that there is no other one. We are speaking to ourselves.)
We ask our Higher Self to speak to the other’s Higher Self in acknowledgement of our true intention, that of compassion and understanding between us. Our intention focuses on working together for the highest good of us all. We visualize ourselves emanating a beautiful energy of light and ask our Higher Self to facilitate sending this light and the high vibration of love to the other’s Higher Self.
We do so without attachment; if the other chooses to accept our transmission of energy and meet us in the middle ground so much the better for both. If not, we have taken responsibility for our intention to be in connection with the truth of who we are. We continue to shine our radiating light and move on.
In times of conflict and anxiety coupled with this increasing rate of vibration in our world, it helps to remember that there are ways of communicating with people that are nonverbal and telepathic. In times of email, twittering, and blogs we can get lost in our pursuit of the art of true, direct communication: soul to soul.
The next time you find yourself in a conflicted conversation, consider asking your Higher Self to assist you in connecting with the other person on an energetic level. The results may surprise you.
Copyright 2008. Andrea Avari, Ph.D. is an intuitive spiritual coach working with clients to balance and integrate wellness, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. She is the author of “A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion.” Her next book, “Letters from a Lunatic in Love: creating soulful relationships” will be available at the end of the year. Her website is andreaavari.com. Email address is andrea@andreaavari.com.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Look in the Mirror: Your Teacher Awaits You
It is time to stop looking for others to guide us to inner peace. It is time to look in the mirror and see our teacher. It is us; it has always been us.
We have been looking for signposts to guide our way and somehow we tend to get caught up in another’s story and their interpretations. The bookcases full of books we all have may have been helpful and uplifting in some cases but after awhile we realize in different ways and in different words, they all say the same thing: inner peace is within us.
There are self-proclaimed gurus and spiritual teachers everywhere and a new product to buy to help us find enlightenment at every turn. They all hold the hope that we can make it; we can get where “they” are. There is no ‘where’. We are the ones we are seeking.
It sounds so simple as we put down the books and discuss it with our friends, but then life happens and we are challenged to respond in non-attachment and allowance rather than falling back into the same old thinking and reacting patterns of lower vibrations. How do we actually create and sustain the process within ourselves?
Look in the mirror. There is the person who knows, who contains the essence of inner knowing and always has. This person knows by an inner resonance. There is a felt sense of knowing what is true in the heart and the body. When this person is quiet and calm, the inner voice can be heard whispering the way. This person is each one of us.
A life has been lived by each of us and continues to evolve from fear to love if we make a higher vibrational choice in every moment. Our entire life is a meditation. Each one of our lives is continually pointing to that which yearns to be gathered into love. Sometimes we are embarrassed by choices we have made in our lives but these points of shame are the very points of healing for us, if we are willing to hold them in the transforming light of acceptance.
Sometimes we may feel victimized by relationships or events in our lives. In order to be a victim there must be a persecutor for us to blame for our troubles. And then we hope for a rescuer to ease our pain. That ‘saving grace’ may come in the soothing form of another person, approval, chocolate, sex, TV, drinking, something to smoke, shopping, anything that suppresses the painful feelings for a while.
If we can see the distressing event as a gift for our growth, a doorway of opportunity to learn how to love ourselves more deeply, then we create our own process of healing. We can learn to observe the distress within a state of mindfulness, bringing our full attention to it. We learn to hold the circumstance with compassionate awareness as it dissolves. By allowing the highest vibration of compassion, we transmute the fearful thoughts into light. We take responsibility for our lives rather than turning our attention outward to temporary external solutions.
The life that has been living in fear keeps knocking on the door of healing which is our heart. Our stories contain every bit of wisdom we need. And then we realize that we are not our stories. We remember that the earth is a classroom for our learning. Our own particular stories were created by our souls to help us transform the places of fear into places of awareness and acceptance. And in that way our human opaqueness becomes translucent and luminous and the world becomes brighter because of each individual process of courage to open to what is.
It is our job to hold those points of blocked light in an embrace of compassionate awareness. We know those areas of resistance better than anyone else. The old proverb says when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. So often we thought it meant someone else was coming to help us find the way. We are the way.
The signposts on our path are the circumstances and relationships in our life. We become our own best friend who will never leave us as we continue to act out of that place of self-compassion. We are not our life stories. Our lives are not something that happens to us or is done to us. Our lives are our most profoundly creative meditation.
Copyright 2008
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