A Spiritual Level of Conversation: Between Higher Selves

Andrea Lee Avari, Ph.D.


Most of us have never had any lessons to assist us in sharing with another person how we feel about something in a respectful way and how to ask for what we need. And most of us are just skating by on the time-tested skills of our parents and their parents who most likely had less opportunity for skill-building than we have had in our lives. We may have passed algebra (or not) but most educational organizations never taught us the art of effective communication. We try to get by on whatever communication skills we have picked up along the way.

Even if we have had exposure to proper training in communication skills, how many of us become blank slates of knee-jerk reaction when conflict comes into our lives?

Effective communication skills point us toward:
· Observing as a witness (not a judge) as to what we heard the other person say or what we saw them do
· Stating how we feel when we observe the behavior (a feeling word not a dissertation)
· Asking specifically for what we need without being attached to the outcome.

We know from practice, practice and more practice that this method does connect disparate points of view in many circumstances…..if we remember to respond from a sense of centering rather than to react. But then real life steps in and sometimes we fall down. It may be a challenge for all concerned but the personal growth in learning to take responsibility for one’s observation, feelings, and needs is well worth the work.

Are there other tools that would help us to connect with the energy of the other person in times of conflict? If we are to visualize the other person’s Higher Self or essence of the Soul during the exchange, we can come into a special connection with the true sense of that person. And in doing so, we join more deeply with our own Higher Self.

In conversation we can see each personality working the needs of the ego and masking the luminescence of the inner Self. But if we look with a softer eye we can see the protection that surrounds each heart in hopes of shielding it from being wounded. With this new awareness we honor the truth of one another with compassion. At our essence we are all the same; we are costumed in different wrappings but we all want the same thing: love.

What can we do? We can focus our awareness on our own light, breathing it in and out, expanding our inner beauty to radiate all around us. We strengthen our connection with our own Higher Self by focusing our attention on that which is our essence.

We can visualize the other person’s Higher Self as a similar beautiful light, a blossoming flower, a vibrant color, or an energetic feeling of knowing. We ask our Higher Self to assist us in speaking words that enhance connection with the other person. (Although intuitively we know that there is no other one. We are speaking to ourselves.)

We ask our Higher Self to speak to the other’s Higher Self in acknowledgement of our true intention, that of compassion and understanding between us. Our intention focuses on working together for the highest good of us all. We visualize ourselves emanating a beautiful energy of light and ask our Higher Self to facilitate sending this light and the high vibration of love to the other’s Higher Self.

We do so without attachment; if the other chooses to accept our transmission of energy and meet us in the middle ground so much the better for both. If not, we have taken responsibility for our intention to be in connection with the truth of who we are. We continue to shine our radiating light and move on.

In times of conflict and anxiety coupled with this increasing rate of vibration in our world, it helps to remember that there are ways of communicating with people that are nonverbal and telepathic. In times of email, twittering, and blogs we can get lost in our pursuit of the art of true, direct communication: soul to soul.

The next time you find yourself in a conflicted conversation, consider asking your Higher Self to assist you in connecting with the other person on an energetic level. The results may surprise you.

Copyright 2008. Andrea Avari, Ph.D. is an intuitive spiritual coach working with clients to balance and integrate wellness, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. She is the author of “A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion.” Her next book, “Letters from a Lunatic in Love: creating soulful relationships” will be available at the end of the year. Her website is andreaavari.com. Email address is andrea@andreaavari.com.